Losing it

I haven’t blogged for a while.

Partly because I’ve never been so busy in my life. This little business has been growing and I’ve been trying to stay on top of it all whilst being heavily involved in some amazing client projects.

It’s been – and continues to be – quite a juggle. And I’m not doing it perfectly. There are definitely a few growing pains. But it’s coming along.

So I took to the priorities and pushed everything else aside. No blogging but also no other businesses, no other projects (other than BrandBurst), no course development and even dropped significantly on the charity admin.

But that’s also a bit of an excuse. The others things – absolutely – not currently priorities. But blogging? I’ve gone to write plenty of times at night. I’ve got more than 50+ posts in draft. Half done. Just today I started writing another post. And stopped half way.

And I’m not even entirely sure why. Does anybody want to read this? Am I boring myself? Am I bored of writing? Is anything I say useful in a world where everyone has everything to say? Does it even matter when there are so many bigger things in the world? Am I repeating a bunch of crap that already exists on the internet? Do I feel comfortable being the face of this blog even though I’m not the only face on the team anymore? Do I know what the point of a blog post is every time I write it? Shouldn’t I be 100% non stop on client work than doing anything on my own business? Are any of my thoughts fully formed enough to blog on them? Am I scared of a negative reaction or people arguing with me when I already fight a battle in the charity/law side of my life?

I decided to never put out another shitty ecourse or guide that a thousand other voices have already jerked over to – I don’t want to do the same for blogging (and absolutely have in the past because I felt I had to write about something). If my business is going so well why don’t I want to blog? Why does every blog seem to feel like one negative party for people to doo-da in? How can I make sure I’m not like these ‘famous bloggers’ who seem to think it’s ok to dish out advice left, right and center as if that way is the best and/or only way you should do business, laced with colorful language to disguise the negativity and their own anxiety lurking just underneath? Do I just want to create a pretty blog with pretty photos?

Perhaps I like that I’ve drowned in a sea of amazing, positive client work. It’s all consuming and distracting. I’m working with the most amazing people & businesses across a huge variety of projects, I have local & international clients and I’ve never dabbled in so many industries. It’s been truly beyond wonderful.

So I stop. Hit Save Draft and get on with my day (or more often, go to sleep). To be honest all those questions above probably hit some truth.

I want to stop right now and not publish this thing. To get straight back into the coding for a project and cross more things off the to-do list. To ‘achieve’ things today.

But it’s probably important to push through right now. Sometimes letting go is good. Sometimes pushing through is needed. Sometimes the questions don’t need answers.

Some people say they’re often waiting for creative inspiration. Well when you’re running a design studio, or you’re an author with a book to publish, or a creative with a shop to fill – often you just can’t wait around for it. You need to go through the work and the creativity will come. And you need to seek activities that will expand your mind, tick it over in a different way and get the juices flowing. That might be travel, exercise, a massage, scrapbooking, laughing with friends, playing games – whatever it might be. Creativity is a muscle. Sure sometimes it needs a rest and recharge but you also need to keep using it to gain more and if you stop using it altogether it atrophies.

Perhaps blogging – when you feel like you’ve lost your mojo – is the same. You’ve just got to push through until you get to the end of it. The end of that post. How do you know what it’s going to turn it out like? Maybe you do the ole ‘scrunch it up and throw it in the bin’ (other known as hover & hit delete) or maybe you polish it up a little. Or just hit publish because screw it, it’s raw and good the first time round.

Leonard Cohen – the only man who will never leave my life (he has no choice!) – cleverly said:

“Before I can discard the verse, I have to write it… I can’t discard a verse before it is written because it is the writing of the verse that produces whatever delights or interests or facets that are going to catch the light. The cutting of the gem has to be finished before you can see whether it shines.”

Often you just need to do the work. I’ve talked about loving the grind and loving the work because you’ll be doing a hell of a lot of it to get where you want to do. I’m a huge believer in Clarity through Action.

I’m a pretty decisive person and take a pretty loose view on the world. By that I mean I try, as much as possible, to step outside my own life and in a way look out at the world. In the scheme of things, most things are trivial and don’t matter. There are far, far bigger things to worry about. Asylum seekers being help captive, detained and punished in Australia on the very clear basis of racism, war in Israel, whaling & gorillas, poverty and malnutrition around the world – the list is endless. I’m very aware of my own mortality and that anytime from now in the next 60 years I’ll die. And that’s it. Life’s over and let’s hope it was a damn good one.

This little blog post means absolutely nothing in the world.

Perhaps I’ve forgotten that. For whatever reason when it comes to sitting down and writing I’ve gotten too caught up in it. Too worried about some kind of outcome – when I have no idea what that outcome should even be or what I even want it to be. And really, I don’t expect an outcome of sorts.

Maybe it’s the same for something you’re working on or stuck with? Maybe you’re putting it off, procrastinating on it, it’s weighing you down, you’re feeling the bubbles of doubt and too many thoughts creep up, you’ve half assed your way through it and haven’t gotten it out there?

I’m still forming my thoughts around this whole thing. I know pretty clearly what I do want to do in the coming few months. I also know the intricate relationship between doing what you love in exchange for money and am pondering where blogging fits into this when it’s not a core component of your business, but part of your business nonetheless.

Or perhaps it’s time to just get everything out there and stop getting caught up in the questions. Because they will always be there. Even the best question themselves and often require a community of comments to find approval with themselves and what they’re doing.

The point of this? To let you know it’s ok to be screwing around with something. That you’ll never have it figured out and to stop trying to figure it all out first. That’s not how business or life works. We just leap in and see how it goes.

And it’s also to remind me – and us all of this…

That I hope, whilst you’re madly paddling beneath the surface, and catching breaths above the waves, that you don’t forget that you love swimming. That swimming was your breath & your light.

Sometimes it’s just about pushing through. For all the life & business coaches who tell you just to breathe or lean into it or go meditate for 100 days of gratitude or whatever else it might be…sometimes you just have to do it.

And breathe anyway.

See you soon (I promise!)

Lis x

Anything more?

I’m going to go listen to this talk again – I think it’s fabulous.

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